But I wanted His love. So I kept busy trying to make myself “good enough.” I tried hard to pray right, talk right, think right, and act right. But none of this earns His love because His love is free and already available to us.
But if I couldn’t believe that then I couldn’t really live in His love, because I was too busy trying to earn something that could never be earned - something that could only be accepted by a humble heart that is willing to reach out and grab ahold of it, as the free gift that it is.
I think that Satan distracts many of us from embracing God’s love by making us feel like we have to earn it. But if we can see what’s really going on, we might be able to stop trying so hard to earn something that is already available to us.
You may have issues that are preventing you from humbly grabbing ahold of God’s love and forgiveness . . .
. . . if you come from a broken, dysfunctional family . . .
. . . if you’ve been abused or neglected . . .
. . . if you’ve been through a huge trial or trauma and you feel like God abandoned you in your time of need . . .
. . . if you’ve trusted significant people in your life, and they’ve pulled away from you and let you fall on your face . . .
. . . if you struggle with fears about being abandoned or “not good enough” or unworthy or being a failure . . .
. . . if you are constantly trying and trying, and yet feel like you are letting God down all the time . . .
. . . if you ruminate on all the “bad” things about yourself . . .
. . . if you haven’t learned to love and forgive others or to accept love and forgiveness . . .
. . . if you are critical and judgmental of others or of yourself . . .
. . . if you feel like you just don’t matter . . .
. . . if you deeply fear being a burden to others . . .
. . . if you always try to “earn your keep,” if you are always concerned more with “giving” than “taking,” and if you always show great care for others but show none for yourself (it may be that you don’t feel you are worth caring for) . . .
. . . if you “just don’t care anymore” about being loved because you’ve been hurt too much in the past . . .
. . . if you’ve always done very well, aimed high and accomplished much, served in significant roles (when you are used to “earning” and “succeeding,” it’s hard to simply “accept” and to admit that you are not self-sufficient) . . .
. . . if you’ve always tried excessively hard to please others, even God. (If it’s not done out of thankfulness for His love and grace, then it might be done out of a desire to earn His attention, approval, and love, to prove your worth.) . . .
. . . if you have learned to be “content” with minimal relationships with others because they’ve been unavailable or have let you down. (This may indicate that you are also accepting a partial or minimal relationship with the Lord. After all, why try too hard to develop a deep relationship with Him if He is only going to let you down or if you are only going to let Him down, right?)
I’m sure there are other indicators of obstacles in our relationship with Him, of an inability to trust Him and let Him love you and forgive you. And to get past these obstacles usually involves a lot of introspection and thought and prayer and Bible-reading, and possibly counseling. But do not settle for a broken, partial relationship with Him. Do not hide behind walls and fears. Do not keep your broken heart wrapped up and safely tucked away from Him and everyone else.
Honesty and transparency are crucial steps in the journey to wholeness, humility, and healing. But it takes being willing to be vulnerable. And sometimes that takes searching your heart and mind for what keeps you from being vulnerable.
If you feel that you may be blocking His love and forgiveness and healing in any way, tell this to Him and ask for His help in rooting out the source of your resistance and fears and doubts. Tell Him honestly what you are afraid of and how you feel about yourself and about Him. Ask Him to show you the areas of your heart that you have closed off, that you have prevented Him from entering. Ask Him to show you how He sees you, how much He loves you. Tell Him that you need Him, that you need His healing and peace and joy, that you have none of your own, and that you have nothing else to offer Him but your brokenness and your open hands and open heart.
(I wrote the “Through the Refining Fire” series to help people explore their pasts and any obstacles there may be in their relationship with the Lord. This may be a good place to start.)
1 John 4:15-18: “If
anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in
God. And so we know and rely on the love
God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God
in him. In this way, love is made
complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment,
because in this world we are like him.
There is no fear in love. But
perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in
love.”
John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he sent his
one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have
eternal life.”
