Prayer Misconception #7: "Prayer is just too hard."

            Misconception Number 7:  Prayer is just too hard.  I don’t know why, but it is! 

            I think that from time to time we all struggle with prayer.  Maybe we grew up with parents who didn’t listen to us or care about what we had to say.  Maybe we felt like burdens when we had to ask for anything.  Maybe we are afraid to say the wrong thing or ask for the wrong thing.   

            We know that the Bible says to ask and that we should pray about everything and that God will only grant the things that He wants to grant, but sometimes we have a hard time just getting the prayer requests out.  For some reason, we don’t feel like we can approach Him or ask for one more thing. 

            And I think that it may help sometimes to sit down and really sort out the reasons behind why we feel like we can’t come to Him or to ask for what we need.  Because, many times, it’s our own feelings and misconceptions that are blocking us from praying prayers that God is more than willing to answer.  (Maybe He won’t answer in the way that we would like Him to, but He always answers in the way that is best for us and His purposes.) 

            And at the very minimum, He simply wants to be let into all areas and concerns of our lives, even if He will not change anything.  He wants us to talk to Him as we would talk to a friend – because it’s the relationship that matters.  Yet, sometimes, we struggle with putting the words into prayers. 

            But this shouldn’t be the case.  We should be able to bring Him any thought or request, as long as we give Him the right to answer in His way.  (But I am not talking about prayer requests that are sinful, such as for an affair or ill-gotten gains or for vengeance.  I am talking about for perfectly legitimate prayers, such as for God’s care or help or wisdom, etc.) 

            The other day, I was struggling with a certain prayer.  I was presenting another health concern to God and asking Him to heal it.  But I began to notice that I would start to pray, and then stop.  I was struggling with putting this request before Him . . . again.  In my head, I know that we are supposed to pray about all things, yet something was blocking me from just putting my request into words before the Father. 

            And I began to wonder why it was so hard to just ask, when He says to ask.  Why is it such a chore sometimes?  I mean, all I had to do was say, “Lord, this is what I am praying for . . . but do as You will.”  That’s easy to do.  Yet, for some reason, I still didn’t feel like I had the right to ask.  And so I sat down to brainstorm, to contemplate what the obstacle was, to identify what was preventing me from asking.

            And for me, it simply came down to being afraid of looking like I was taking Him for granted.  I mean, there were all these other blessings and answers to prayer that I had already received.  Did I really have the right to come to Him and ask for more?  Even if they were legitimate prayers?  Even though I know God wants us to talk to Him about all things?   

            But I realized that there was a greater consequence of not asking than of asking.  Yes, I was afraid that asking for more was burdensome and looked like I was taking Him for granted.  But not asking meant not including Him in that area of my life.  It meant not placing that concern in the hands of the One who could do far more with it than I could do on my own.  It meant returning to that self-sufficient, I’ll-just-do-it-myself person that I was before.  And I didn’t want to be that person again. 

            Sure, He might not answer the prayer in the way that I wanted, but it was more important to me that I maintained a proper dependency on Him, that I went to my heavenly Father with all of my concerns.  And so I humbly put the request before Him, acknowledging that I didn’t deserve any of the grace that He pours out on me, but that I will gladly accept it because I am totally dependent on it and needy for it.  

            After thinking this episode through, I realized that we don’t pray lots of good, necessary prayers for various reasons.  And for me, it was a help to identify what was blocking me from approaching my heavenly Father in prayer. 

            I would like to take a moment to list some of the “various reasons we don’t ask” that I came up with when I was brainstorming.  I think that if we could identify the lies and falsehoods that prevent us from approaching God in prayer then we could ask more boldly and submissively, knowing that there was nothing wrong with asking, as long as we accept the answer God gives.

            Anyway, here is a list of various reasons for why we don’t pray certain prayers, the obstacles that prevent us from laying our requests before God.  And my challenge is this:  If you find yourself struggling with praying perfectly legitimate prayers – if you feel like you don’t deserve to ask for this or that – review this list (or brainstorm your own) and try to see which one explains why you struggle with bringing your need or want to our Loving, Heavenly Father. 

            (Now, when you do identify that something is blocking your prayers, first ask God in prayer if there is any legitimate reason for it.  Ask Him if there is a reason why you shouldn’t be praying this prayer – pride, bitterness, greed, laziness, etc.  Some prayers should not be prayed simply because they are wrong.  Be willing for the Holy Spirit to work on your heart and your mind as He changes you and your requests to reflect God better.)     

            Reasons Why We Don’t Pray:

            1.  I don’t think He’s really listening or really cares.

            For some of us, we doubt that He listens or cares because we don’t really know Him.  We think that He is like humans: unreliable, unloving, wishy-washy, harsh, etc.  If others people don’t really listen to you or care about the things that you think or say, you may feel that God won’t either. 
            But that is not true.  If God loved you so much to die for you so that He could spend eternity with you, you can bet that He wants to have a deep, meaningful relationship with you now.  Not only do we need this for our own benefit – because we need His guidance, care, wisdom, and peace, etc. – but because we were made to have a relationship with Him. 
            And we were made this way because this is how He wanted it to be.  He did not put this world in motion and then check out.  He is always calling and waiting for people to respond to Him and to draw near to Him because a relationship with us really does matter to Him.  It’s why we are here in the first place. 
            It is not an easy process to get past the wounds and scars from our past, the ones that affect how we see and relate to God today.  But in order to do this, we need to really get to know Him as He is.  We need to spend daily, quality time in the Word and in prayer and to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal what’s inside of us so that we can face up to any misconceptions, sins, or other blocks or hindrances in our relationship with Him.  (And I get deeper into these things in a later section.)
            Now, all of us will, at some time, struggle with the fear that He is not listening or doesn’t care when we are facing a big trial or a long wait.  And, unfortunately, we just have to wait it out.  We cannot make God reveal Himself any faster than He will.  But that time can be used to draw nearer to Him, to immerse yourself in Him because you know that you really have no one else to go to but God.  And so you will just have to cling to Him until He “shows up.”  This is hard, I know.  But hang in there!  He does listen and He does care, but there are many good lessons to be learned in the painful wait.  Use that time wisely to draw near to Him.  And you will find Him.      

            2.  I am afraid to be a burden to Him. 

            This might be a legitimate feeling if you are simply using God as a vending machine, with no desire for reflecting Him or bringing Him glory or drawing nearer to Him.  But if you are sharing your thoughts honestly with Him or asking for things that are not selfish or unreasonable - and if you are willing to accept His answer - then there is no reason to fear talking to Him or asking Him for something.  We are all totally dependent on His grace and care anyway.  And so asking for His grace and care is how we should be living our lives.  And He wants us to share our thoughts and heart with Him.  He’s all about the closeness!

            3.  I am afraid to anger Him. 

            God gets angry about disobedience, rebellion, and putting other things before Him, but He will not get angry when you come to Him with another request or in confession about a sin.  Confessing sin is what opens the door of your heart to Him and restores your relationship with Him.  And it is crucial to always be sensitive to any sin blocking your relationship with Him and to confess it and turn from it. 
            And as far as making a request of Him, He may not grant your request or He may show you that it is an improper prayer or that there are sinful reasons behind it, but He will not be angry that you asked Him.  As long as you are willing to trust His judgment in how He answers.  It’s all about the softness of our hearts toward Him.   
            He will not get angry when His children approach Him in prayer with a sincere heart and a desire to draw near to Him.  He wants to be part of every area of our lives.  He wants us to know Him well enough to trust His judgment when it comes to how He answers.  And part of getting to know Him and learning to trust Him is to learn to be dependent on Him in prayer.  You do not need to be afraid of how He will react to your requests or confessions, but you should be afraid of closing off parts of your heart and life to Him.  And if there is sin driving your request, He will reveal that to you gently – if you are willing to be open and submissive to Him. 

            4.  I don’t want it to seem like I am using Him just to get what I want. 

            If you are using Him - without a desire to draw near to Him and to glorify Him - then you need to ask God to reveal this to you.  And then you need to get into the Word to find out who He really is and who you really are, so that you can understand what a proper relationship with Him is like.  But if you are simply afraid to ask because you don’t usually reveal your needs or ask others to meet them – if you don’t feel worthy of His time or love or care - then ask God to help you discover the wounds and scars around your heart.  And ask for His love and truth to heal them.  And remember, none of us deserve His love or care.  But He loves us because of who He is and who we are in His sight.  It has nothing to do with earning it, but everything to do with accepting it.      

            5.  I don’t want it to seem like I am taking Him and all of His previous goodness for granted.

            Asking for more doesn’t necessarily show that we don’t appreciate His past blessings or are taking Him for granted.  In fact, I think it shows that we are acknowledging His position as God and Father.  It shows our deep desire to remain close to Him, to present all areas of our lives to Him, to seek His Will, and to have all that He would want us to have.  It’s amazing to me how we are willing to go without – to live with the little that we have – because we don’t feel that we should ask for more. 
            Now, if you are taking Him for granted - if you are take, take, taking without any regard for bringing Him glory or for using His gifts to be a blessing to others - then it might be time to stop asking for more and to start focusing on being thankful for and properly handling what you do have.  Because whether it’s little or much, our focus needs to be on glorifying God with whatever we do have and with being a blessing to others.  And as long as your heart is sensitive to this, you don’t need to worry that you are asking for too much.  Just ask.  And then praise Him for however He answers and glorify Him with whatever you have.  

            6.  I don’t believe that He can do what I am asking.

            Well, this one gets down to a much deeper level of how you see God.  If you feel that anything is impossible for Him, then you need to get to know Him as He is – in His Word.  Spend daily time in the Word, focusing on the character and attributes of God.  But remember that just because the Word says that everything is possible for Him doesn’t mean that He will do whatever you ask.  Resist the urge to shrink Him because He hasn’t answered your prayer the way you wanted Him to or believed He should.  He sees the bigger picture and He has His mysterious ways of working. 
            Now, I am not saying that this is easy or simple.  Sometimes, as hard as it may be, we have to choose to accept and believe what the Bible says about Him, especially when everything around us is making us doubt and we are tempted to judge Him because He didn’t answer the way that we thought He should.
            We might not always see His wisdom up front – in fact, we might not see it this side of eternity - but if we know Him as He really is, then we can trust Him even when things are confusing to us.  And sometimes, when things are really messed up, we have to trust simply out of our wills, even though we do not feel it.  We have to choose to trust that He is a good, loving God that is listening and does care.  And we have to hang in there until He shows Himself.  This is not easy to do, but there are times when this is the only way to move forward.

            7.  I don’t believe that He will do what I am asking.

            Believing that He won’t do something is different than believing that He can’t do something.  The way I see it, if we don’t ask because we don’t think He will do it, then we have already bound His hands.  Because if we don’t present the request to Him, He is under no obligation to attend to that request because we have chosen to handle it ourselves or to bear with things the way they are.  But when we put a request before Him, we invite Him to do something about it.  He doesn’t force His way in. 
            Basically, He may not grant it if we ask, but if we don’t ask then we are living as though He has already said “no.”  Which one is the greater risk?
            But whatever would happen, we need to remember that our role is to ask.  His role is to answer in the best way possible.  And ultimately, at the end of any request should be this prayer, “Yet not as I will, but Your Will be done.” 
            And even if we don’t see anything happening, we need to trust that He is working on it or that He has His reasons for not granting us what we asked for.  And if He has chosen not to grant it, the only thing we can do is thank Him for listening and for doing what He knows is best and ask Him for the strength and grace to accept His “no”.  Once again, this is not an easy thing to do.  But we were never promised an easy life.  And a life apart from God is far more difficult to bear than a life spent with God even when He says “no”.     

            8.  I don’t know if it is God’s Will that I ask for this certain thing.

            It’s not often for us to know what His Will is up front.  We learn as we go, as we draw nearer to Him and remain in Him, as we walk.  Oftentimes, the doors open and things become clearer as we pray and obey and grow in Him.  Not when we are parked on the side of the road. 
            As we grow in Him, through prayer and the Word, we begin to understand a bit more about His mind and the kinds of requests that are in line with His Will.  And if we desire to be sensitive to Him and His leading, we don’t need to be worried if we are praying “His Will” because He will guide us along the way.  And He will not grant anything outside of His Will, so we don’t have to be afraid of messing up His plans with an out-of-line request.  We just have to pray and listen and adjust and obey as God leads us.    

            9.  I’m afraid of getting a “no” response.

            It may be worth it for this one to spend some time figuring out why a “no” scares you so much.  Is it because you don’t trust Him or want His Will, or because you’ve been let down so many times that you can’t face being let down by God too?  Or is it because you desperately want a “yes” and can’t face the possibility of not getting what you ask for? 
            I think that the first one gets to the heart of our view of God, and if that is the case then you need to spend time in prayer and the Word figuring out the difference between how you view Him and who He really is.         
            But the second, I think, is a very normal, natural response, even when we truly trust God and believe in His love for us.  None of us wants to get a “no.”  But we need to trust that God knows best.  And maybe we should consider if our request was simply to spare ourselves additional work, expense, pain, effort, or time.  Maybe a “no” is what we really needed to hear in order to help us sort out our priorities, grow in righteousness, and develop our character, patience, selflessness, and faith.   
            And for the things that really do hit us in the heart – such as asking for God to spare the life of someone or to allow us to keep our home or job, etc. – sometimes all we can do is ask for what we want (which is a part of honesty, transparency, and remaining connected to God) and then let the request go into the hands of the One who loves us immensely and who will do what is best for us, His glory, eternity, and His purposes.   
            We might not always understand why that “no” was the best response possible - not until eternity! - but we need to trust that God had His reasons.  And we need to go to God with our pain and confusion and hurting heart.  He understands those kinds of responses.  And when we hurt, just know that He hurts with us.  (Can you imagine the hurt He feels when He sees what we’ve done to His world and the consequences and pain that we brought on ourselves that He tried to help us avoid?)  Run to Him for the only kind of comfort that can truly lift us up.  He will comfort us even if He wouldn’t grant our request.  But the question is, do you know Him well enough to trust in His love even if He says “no”?     

            10.  I’m afraid to pray the wrong words or in the wrong attitude.

            I think that it is wise to check our attitudes or the spirit in which we pray.  Are we praying with a spirit of selfishness, pride, judgmentalism, vengeance, bitterness, etc.?  If our request is coming from a sinful place in our hearts, we need to be willing to let God change us.  But if it’s not coming from a sinful attitude, then there is no reason why we can’t simply ask.  And according to Romans 8:26, as we pray, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and “cleans” up our prayers.  As we pray and seek Him, He will help us grow in our ability to pray.  But we need to be more concerned with simply praying than with how polished it is.  God cares more about our hearts and our desire to draw near to Him than He does with how proper our prayers are. 

            11.  I’m afraid to be that honest.

            It may take a lot of thought and introspection and prayer to figure out why being honest scares you.  Hopefully, you will come to learn that you do not need to be afraid to be honest with God about anything in your heart and life, even all the ugly things.  He already knows all of this.  He knows us better than we know ourselves.  He has just been waiting for us to be honest with ourselves and with Him, because it is honesty that draws Him closer and that opens up our hearts to His truth. 

            12.  I don’t like admitting that I need the help or can’t do things on my own.  I don’t like to be dependent on anyone else. 

            Hopefully, through other sections in this guidebook, you have come to discover why you have a hard time depending on God.  Most of the time, these kinds of attitudes stem from our pasts and our relationship with our parents (or lack of relationship with them).  These go straight to the heart of how we feel about ourselves and God.  And they need to be worked through if you are ever to have the kind of relationship with God that you were made for. 
            It will be hard and painful, but do not be afraid to explore these feelings and where they come from.  Do it with prayer and the Word . . . and a trusted friend or counselor, if need be.  God has been waiting to heal those injured parts of your heart.  He’s been waiting until you were ready to let Him into those parts.  Don’t settle for self-sufficiency.  Run after Him and learn that He is a faithful, loving Father that cares for you and about you. 

            13.  I don’t know how to pray.

            When we are first getting to know God, it feels weird and forced to pray to Him.  We’re afraid that we don’t know “the protocol” - if we have to say things in the right way or in the right order.  And we feel like we are just speaking out into thin air.  Is Anyone really listening?  How can I keep talking when No One is talking back to keep the conversation going?
            Well, the best and most basic advice that I can give when you don’t know how or what to pray is this:  Just start talking.  Tell Him what is on your mind, what you are struggling with, how nervous you feel, what you want or need, etc.  He already knows it.  He knows what’s in the very depths of our hearts already.  He just wants us to share our lives and thoughts with Him, to invite Him into whatever is going on in our heads, our hearts, and our lives.  Keep it simple and keep it real.  Just start talking until it doesn’t feel so strange anymore.  And ask Him to help you learn to pray.  It does get easier as long as you are willing to be honest and to be yourself.  No false fronts.  No masks.  No special words or protocol.  Just start talking as you would to a friend that cares about you and about what you have to say.  

            14.  I can’t ask for anything because I have done something wrong and I think it’s pushed Him away. 

            Well, then . . . make it right.  And the only way to do that is to honestly confess whatever you have done to God, ask for His forgiveness, and then accept it.  If you continue to feel unforgiven, it may be that you are having a hard time forgiving yourself.  God is so much more willing to forgive us than we are to forgive ourselves.

            15.  I’m lazy or I have better things to do with my time.

            Well, okay then.  Good luck living life on your own!
            Our use of time and what we turn to when things get difficult or when we need help will show us how much we value our relationship with the Lord.

            16.  Fill in the blank:  “I’m afraid of …”

            Prayer shouldn’t be as hard or scary as we make it out to be.  Prayer is about coming to a loving God with our heart’s desires and requests, hurts and needs, confessions and praise.  And it’s about learning to rely on Him, to listen to Him, and to trust in His goodness and faithfulness, no matter how He answers.  Once again, our job is simply to ask and to know that He will answer in His time and in His way, out of love and wisdom!