Are you ultra-concerned about being a “good Christian” and doing the “right”
thing, praying the “right” way, having the “right” attitude, and making the
“right” choices?
Do you find yourself desperately following “do and don’t” lists, afraid that
you might step out of line?
Are you often afraid that God is going to blast you with a lightning bolt for
saying or doing something wrong?
Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells with Him, always afraid of
displeasing Him?
Do you feel like no matter how much you strive to please God and do the right
thing, you are always letting Him down?
Are you afraid that He really isn’t listening to you or really doesn’t care
that much about your “little problems” or aching heart?
Do you hesitate to pray or share your concerns with God because you are afraid
of burdening Him? Afraid to have Him waste His time or energy on you,
especially when there are greater tragedies and concerns in the world that
deserve God’s attention more than you do?
Is it hard for you to share your true feelings, thoughts, fears, and doubts
with Him because you’re afraid of disappointing Him or earning His wrath?
So you put on a nice, polished, acceptable, capable, “good Christian” mask?
Are you afraid of needing God? Of truly, desperately needing
Him? Relying on Him? (To really need Him is to be really
vulnerable. If we let ourselves need someone, we take the risk of getting
let down, of being dropped on our faces. And so, many of us don’t risk
needing others, even God. We try our best to be self-sufficient and
self-reliant, even with God. Which doesn’t work. Eventually we will
all find our self-sufficiency tested, in order that we might learn to rely on
Him.)
Deep down, do you doubt that God is a good, loving Father who really does want
the best for you? Do you see Him more as a God who is unfair, harsh, or
indifferent?
Have you ever secretly wondered, How could God ever really love me?
I’m just . . . me! Messed-up me! Surely, He could never forgive me
or want a relationship with me?
Whether or not we admit it, many of us have these kinds of fears. And
they hinder our spiritual walks and our relationships with Him, others, and
ourselves. So how do we deal with these kinds of spiritual fears?
As I wrote this list, I included all of the fears that I have had at one time
or another. I know all of these fears intimately (among many more) and
have spent years working through them. However, I have tried many wrong
ways to fix them. These kinds of fears cannot be fixed by . . .
- trying to follow the rules better
- acting like we have it all together
- beating ourselves up for not having it all together
- frantically trying to pull it all together
- polishing up our masks more so that they’re shiny and clean
- adding more spiritual disciplines (although these are good and necessary over
the course of our lives, but they will not fix a problem that is in our hearts
or heal the scars in our spirits)
- hiding the unacceptable parts of ourselves better
- smiling more while ignoring the pain in our hearts, the fears and doubts in
our minds, and the scars from our pasts
- reading the Bible but without meeting God there or letting His truths
deep into our hearts, minds, spirits, and pasts
- pursuing things that make us happy
(If we can feel “happy,” we can ignore the pain and longing and unsettled
feeling in our spirits. So, many of us spend our lives jumping from one
pleasure to another, never stopping to take inventory of what’s going on in our
hearts.)
- leaning more on our own understanding and strength and wisdom
(We will always let ourselves down at some point. And every one of us
will have some trial that will show us that we are not enough, that we need
something outside of ourselves. Although many people can take decades to
get to this point. Even Christians try to live as self-sufficiently as
possible, only leaning on God when they have exhausted their own resources and exceeded
their own abilities. And some people will steadfastly refuse to
acknowledge the truth that they need God. And in the end, they will get
what they wanted – a life apart from Him. Eternally! So sad!
Self-sufficiency is the polar opposite of a humble, genuine relationship with
the Lord.)
Trust me, I’ve been there! I’ve been through all of this for years.
And those ways don’t work. Not that they don’t help us temporarily feel
better to some degree, but they don’t work ultimately. And as I have
faced and worked through my fears over the years, the conclusion that I have
come to is this:
The first step – and ultimate step - in dealing with our spiritual fears has
nothing to do with “trying harder” to eliminate our fears.
It has to do with finding,
experiencing, and relaxing into God’s love.
1 John 4:15-18: “If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of
God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love
God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God,
and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we
will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like
him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,
because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made
perfect in love.”
Focusing on our fears and ways to eliminate them keeps us distracted from
finding and grasping God’s love for us. And I think this is one of
Satan’s greatest tools for tripping up non-Christians and Christians
alike.
For non-believers and believers, Satan’s tries (among other ways) to keep us
from finding and trusting in God’s love and goodness by . . .
- making us focus on God’s wrath in the Bible or the tragedies that He doesn’t
prevent or the “unanswered” prayers or the things He hasn’t done for us
- convincing us that God is removed from the cares of this world or that we are
just cosmic experiments or accidents
- making us feel like we can never be “good enough” or that He could never
really love us because we are too messed up
- making us focus on the “doing” part of spiritual disciplines instead of focusing
on the “being with God” part, the “connecting with Him through them” part.
- convincing us that we need to rely on ourselves because God can’t be trusted
or doesn’t care or doesn’t really know what’s going on
- causing us to fear displeasing God so much or to insulate our broken hearts
so fully that we never let His healing love fully into our hearts, minds, and
pasts
If Satan is keeping you from grasping God’s love for you, then you will live in
fear. But as the verse says, “There is no
fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do
with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
Keeping you from fully grasping God’s love for you will be a main goal of
Satan. You can count on it. You should expect it. But instead
of focusing on ways to make ourselves feel better or to be more pleasing to God
or to punish ourselves for not being what we “should” be, we need to focus on
discovering the ways Satan blocks us from grabbing onto God’s love. We
need to find ways to get in touch with that Love more and more. There are
a myriad of ways to do this, as individualized as we are. And here are
some to consider. See if any of these ways speak to you:
1. Ask God to go back into your
past with you, to explore and heal the times that broke your heart and
spirit. (This can be done by journaling, but it may also have to be done
with a trusted friend, pastor, or Christian counselor.)
2. Explore how you really feel
about yourself, why you feel this way, and what in your past caused you to see
yourself this way. And ask God to help you see yourself honestly, the way
He does. (This may include studying the Bible to find out how God sees
mankind, in general.)
3. Read the Bible not just to read
the Bible, but to meet God in the pages and to see what He wants to say to you
personally. Write down the verses that speak to you and what they say to
you. Or do a topical study, looking up the verses that relate to “God’s
love” or “forgiveness” or “grace” or such.
4. Get a balanced view of God’s
wrath and God’s love from the Bible, noticing not just the ways He punishes
people but His incredible mercy. Such as Jeremiah 5:1: “Go up and down the
streets of Jerusalem, look around and consider, search through her
squares. If you can find but one person who deals honestly and seeks the
truth, I will forgive this city.” Out of love for one righteous
person, God would forgive a whole, sinful city. That is some amazing
love!
5. Ask God to search your heart for
anything that is blocking His love, truth, or healing. And take the time
to listen.
6. Start being honest with yourself
and with Him in prayer. Be honest about your shortcomings, your
neediness, and about your doubts, fears, thoughts, and feelings (even the ones
relating to Him), no matter how “displeasing” they may sound.
You cannot have a genuine
relationship with Him if you are not genuine. And you cannot let His love
into your heart fully if you will not fully open up your heart to Him. (If you don’t know where to start with this, try writing a letter to God, expressing all the things you never could say to Him or admit to yourself, and then pray it out loud to Him and ask Him to help you see things the way He sees them. Or write down all of your fears and doubts about Him or about yourself, pray them over to Him, and ask Him to help you see the truth.)
7. Spend some quiet time with Him
regularly, with the goal of meditating on Him and finding Him in the
here-and-now. Take daily walks alone to notice God’s creativity and
blessings: the flowers, animals, clouds, rain. Spend some time watching
the birds at the bird-feeder, dwelling on how He cares for something as
“insignificant” as a sparrow.
8. Talk to others about what you
are feeling. Sometimes, we just need to vent it out in order to see
things clearly. And someone may have some godly insight that could be
really helpful. Don’t feel that you have to struggle through the pain on
your own. Lean on the friends that God gave you.
9. Start a garden. I think
gardening is a huge way to learn so many spiritual lessons and truths, through
the quiet time you spend out there, being immersed in His creation and natural
gifts, the monotonous tasks like weeding, the effort it takes to keep it
healthy and growing, the struggles and setbacks you encounter, the waiting, the
journey through the various seasons, and the reward of seeing what God made
with your efforts. It is deeply satisfying to the soul.
10. Listen to only Christian music
for a time and refuse to watch movies and shows that dishonor God. We
open ourselves up to demonic attacks and suggestions when we fill our minds
with ungodly things.
11. Place reminders of God’s
goodness, love, and care where you can see them, whether it’s a picture that
inspires you, a quote or Bible verse that touches your heart, or an interesting
rock that reminds you that there is beauty in the ordinary.
12. Look up the “Through the
Furnace” blog (https://yoursweetlybrokenjourney.blogspot.com)
that I wrote, and go through it alone or with a trusted friend. I tried
to write a devotional-type, self-exploring study that I hope would help you to
better grasp God’s love and truth and healing.
13. Ban negative self-talk.
And every time you want to say something degrading about yourself try to
replace it with one of God’s truths, such as “Jesus loved me enough to die for
me,” and “Even if I have a hard time forgiving myself, God has forgiven
me.” In fact, it may help to write down all of the negative things you
say to yourself so that you can figure out why you say these things to yourself
and proceed to deliberately dismantle each one with God’s truth.
14. Create something or explore a
new hobby. Sometimes, we can get in touch more with God’s goodness and
love when we are doing things that make us feel more alive, more blessed, and
more joyful.
15. Clean up your house and get rid
of excess. Clutter and mess make us feel uneasy all the time and like a
failure. Our thoughts and feelings will begin to reflect the way our
surroundings look. Or maybe it’s that our surroundings are reflecting the
way we feel inside. Either way, sometimes a good place to start when you
can’t tackle what’s inside your heart yet is to tackle your surroundings.
Get those in order first so that you can rest and feel at peace and focus on
exploring and cleaning up the messes in your heart and mind.
16. Start eating healthy or taking
care of yourself better or treating yourself better. (Or explore the
reasons you don’t.) When we treat ourselves badly, we being to feel like
we should be treated badly. Or we are treating ourselves badly because we
feel like that’s all we deserve, and it becomes a cycle. And we are not
free to feel God’s love. Sometimes, it helps to begin by taking care of
yourself before you can believe that Someone else cares about you too.
You are worth it! Treat yourself like you are, and you may just begin to
believe that you are valuable to God and that He cares for you and about you,
too.
17. Learn to quiet your heart before
God, giving Him time to speak.
(If you want to try something specific, go to my “250 Questions to Ask God” post where I wrote questions that you can ask God and then wait on Him to
answer. While He doesn’t always answer, I did get answers to a couple of
them that really, deeply affected my heart and spirit.)
18. With God’s help, through prayer
and the Word and possibly with a godly friend, explore why you feel you don’t
deserve love or forgiveness.
19. Stand outside in the rain or
when the snow is falling or when the leaves are drifting down. Roll your
window down when you drive and put your hand out the window. Turn off the
radio and do the dishes in silence. Turn off or ignore all the
technological gadgets for a time each day so that you can have some protected
time for you. Put boundaries around your time and commitments and schedules.
(And get away from toxic people as much as you can.) Sometimes, we need
to do all this in order to clear the clutter out of our lives. Being too
busy keeps us running. And running keeps us from noticing God in the
here-and-now.
20. Keep a running list – a journal
– of all the blessings that you receive or notice every day, whether it be the
first tomato you pick off the vine, the first snowfall of the year, the
wonderful visit you had with a friend, the answer to a prayer, or the way God
used a pain from your past to grow you spiritually. There are far too
many things to discourage us and make us feel like God doesn’t care or isn’t
listening. We forget so easily that we need to be deliberate about
writing down the blessings and gifts.
(Give yourself a target number, such as recording 30 blessings per
month. Or 50. Or 100.
Or whatever. It helps you keep
your eyes open to the good.)
All of these are suggestions to help you begin to open yourself up to God’s
love, truth, and healing. His love, truth, and healing are all tied
together. And wherever there is a spiritual obstacle or blockage or fear,
Satan is there trying to prevent you from knowing God’s love, from living in
God’s truth, or from finding the healing that only God can give.
If Satan can block you from grasping any one of these
things (God’s love, truth, or healing), he blocks you from experiencing all of
them.
Be aware of the ways that Satan
tries to prevent you from seeing the truth about yourself and God, from letting
that truth open your eyes and heart to God’s love, and from letting His love
heal your hurts. It may take thought, effort, and time and it sometimes
causes pain, but in the end it is so worth it!
