Light as a Feather
I don’t expect anyone to believe me,
but I’m going to share my story. It’s my
story about how I came to fully trust in Jesus’ name and to passionately cling
to Him, to never be able to doubt the existence of a spirit world, to place
such a high priority on prayer and God’s Word, and to always remember my need
for spiritual armor. And once again, you
don’t have to believe me. (But don’t say
I never warned you. And if you are a
skeptic and get nothing from this whole post, just remember this: “In the name
of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave.”
In case you ever need it.)
My first real experience with the
unseen world was when I was a pre-teen.
I was at my step-dad’s house for the weekend. My younger half-brother, his step-sister, and
I were bored and wanted something to do.
So we decided to play the classic game “Light as a feather, stiff as a
board.” Silly stuff . . . right?!?
We had my brother (around seven or
eight years old at the time) lay down on the floor, while me and his
step-sister (about ten years old) took a position on either side of him. We both slid two fingers from each hand under
him. Then we closed our eyes and began
to chant: “Light as a feather, stiff as
a board; light as a feather, stiff as a board” over and over again for a minute
or so. And then we tried to raise
him. Nothing! Heavy as a rock and completely unable to lift
him a smidgen.
I, being the smart older one,
concluded that we didn’t chant long enough.
“Let’s try it longer,” I said.
And so we closed our eyes and began again: “Light as a feather, stiff as
a board; light as a feather, stiff as a board.”
We said this over and over and over again. We said it for so long that we kind of zoned
out. It was like a trance-like state
where we lost track of time and sense of our surroundings. After I-don’t-know-how-long, we decided that
it had been long enough and we tried to lift him again.
This time, I kid you not, he was
light as a feather and stiff as a board.
We were able to raise him up with only two fingers on each hand, eight
fingers total between the two of us. We
stood up and lifted him to chest level with absolutely no effort. Meanwhile, he was as stiff and as still as
could be, eyes closed and unconscious, completely unaware of anything around
him.
We, being two adolescent girls,
giggled and ooohed and ahhed. “Oh,
look. It works! Cool!
Let’s take him out of the room and show Dad.” We began to walk him to the door and said,
“Sean, do not open your eyes! We are
taking you out to show Dad.” But as soon
as his head crossed over the threshold by the door, he shook awake with a “Huh”
and immediately regained all of his weight and crashed to the floor.
We laughed and ran to tell our dad
how it really worked. I don’t remember
his response, but I’m sure it was like, “That’s nice! Great imagination, you guys. Now run along!” And we ran off and found other things to do,
forgetting about this supernatural encounter and completely unaware of what
really happened.
What I didn’t realize, though, was
that we were inviting the spirit world to come to us. We were calling on their help. And the second time around, we must have
given them enough time to do it. And I
doubt, of course, that these were godly spirits. Godly spirits don’t play these kinds of
games. It’s evil spirits, in the hopes
of drawing you in more. These innocent
games can oftentimes lead to dark paths.
As an adult looking back now, I am
always surprised at how this really worked.
And yet, I’m not surprised because I do, after all, believe the Bible
when it says that there is an unseen, supernatural world around us. I guess I am just surprised at how two
completely innocent, naive, adolescent girls could unknowingly call on the
spirit world, thinking it was just a game, and actually get a powerful
response.
[P.S. I watched America’s Got Talent one night
where one guy introduced his spirit friend, who helps him do unbelievable
tricks. Actually, I should say that I
switched channels while he did his act.
But I saw enough of it to say this: this spirit friend is definitely a
demon, regardless of what this man says.
And if this man is actually a Christian (like he claims), which is very
unlikely in my opinion, then he is dancing with the devil.
Heavenly angels DO NOT play those
kinds of games. They are God’s
messengers, ordered around only by God, never by people. And they were created to worship God and
minister to believers, not to do tricks and play games and intrigue people so
that they want to know more about magic.
(Hebrews 1:14)
Do not be too impressed by this kind
of stuff, but take it very seriously.
And stay away from it. (Which is
why I turned the channel. As you’ll see,
I once unwittingly invited demonic harassment by watching a show about
something demonic. I do not mess with that
kind of stuff anymore, even innocently or just out of curiosity.)
Demons are not your friends. They will be more than happy to play around
with you for a while (in the hopes they can ensnare someone), but that kind of
“fun” will be very costly in the end.
And I do not say this judgmentally; I say it as a warning to not be led
astray by tricks like that. Do not think
it is all harmless, good fun. It is
soul-destroying.
And if this man really did want to
get rid of his spirit friend – which I do not think he does because he is
benefitting from keeping this spirit around – it is possible. What he would have to do is renounce his
association with the demon and turn to God completely, choosing Jesus Christ as
his Lord and Savior. Jesus Christ is the
only way to be free from demons.]
Harassment
But the “light as a feather” thing isn’t
my only encounter with the spirit world.
Over the years, I have woken up many times with the feeling of a “heavy
weight” on my chest, feeling like it’s squeezing the air out of me or
paralyzing me. While different people
define it different ways, I believe that some of those times are not just bad
dreams or “sleep paralysis,” but that they’re actually demonic attacks. Or more accurately, demonic harassment. (Once again, you don’t have to believe
me. But skeptics beware. Right before the first of these attacks, I
had scoffed at a fellow Christian who told me about his experience with this. Yeah
right! I thought. This guy’s just being overly dramatic, a
daydreamer, seeing a demon behind every bush. And a couple days later, it happened to me,
too.)
In fact, I went through a stretch of
five months of demonic harassment not too long ago which was more intense than anything
I had ever encountered.
We had just started to meet
regularly with a Bible study group, and I had been getting really serious about
living a more holy, godly, God-seeking life.
This was as I was going through my “furnace” time - several years of
trials that broke me of my self-sufficiency so that the Lord could rebuild me
in Him (written about in the “Child of Mine” posts at
sweetlybrokengirl.blogspot.com).
And these five months were a major
part of refining me and growing me in the Lord.
They were the most vivid encounters I have ever had with the spirit
realm, not counting the “light as a feather” time. Here is a shorter version of what happened. (The longer one is at
sweetlybrokengirl.blogspot.com in “Chapter 22: In Jesus’ Name” of the “Child of
Mine” section.)
I had just finished watching a
National Geographic program on the Codex Gigas (aka “the Devil’s Bible”). It wasn’t a “demonic” program, not
sensational or anything like that. It
was just a look at an old book and who might have written it. I actually watched it because I wanted to be
able to scoff at it, to criticize it. (I
don’t scoff much anymore.)
Anyway, the joke was on me. That night, I woke up to the sound of
screaming in my ears. Horrible, distant
screaming, as though thousands of people were crying out in torturous pain at
once. I had never had that happen
before. (And we were out in the middle
of Iowa where there is complete silence at night, not even the sound of a car
going by.) If I remember correctly, I
called out the name of Jesus or said, “Jesus, help me,” and it stopped. But that was just the beginning of months of
nighttime harassment.
Several times a week for the next
five months, I was woken up with various different sensations. At different times, I woke up hearing
screaming, feeling something heavy on my chest, feeling paralyzed, or (the
usual one) feeling like my body was being electrocuted by a bolt of lightning
or a blast of electricity. I would feel
this electricity and it would paralyze my body and mouth, making it hard to
call on the name of Jesus for a minute or so.
Many times, I could almost sense something in the room before I went to
bed, a chill or a presence.
Later on, it began to feel more
vivid and violent. Once, in my “dream,”
I could feel a snake-like demon wrap itself around my leg, which woke me up
feeling electrocuted. And another time,
I was “dreaming” that a demon was in the room, hovering over me in a cloud of
black smoke as I slept. I could feel the
intense hatred radiating from this being, as though he wanted to cause me
serious harm, but was prevented from doing so.
And then, I saw these long, black arms reach out to grab me, and
immediately I felt the electricity and woke up.
Other times, I could sense their presence as I slept, without really
“seeing” anything. And just as I began
to realize that I needed to call on Jesus for help, I would feel the
electricity and wake up and struggle to break through the paralysis and make my
mouth move again so that I could call on Jesus’ name.
There was one minor time when I
heard “thunder” in my ears (that rumbly sound you get when you yawn really deep
and long) after saying this in my dream, “You know the book that the guy wrote
about his trip to heaven … I believe him.”
Immediately after saying that, the thunder sound came and woke me
up.
I’ve heard strange loud noises just
as I was falling asleep and crossing over from consciousness to unconsciousness,
like breaking glass or a cup of marbles being dropped onto a sheet of
metal. Weird noises that jolt you awake
but would have no real explanation. (My
husband has recently experienced this, too.)
I often have very disgusting,
bizarre images that pop into my mind out of nowhere as I am falling asleep,
grotesque images of severed heads, corpses, and really strange images I would
never even think about imagining. And
they come one after the next, as I try to focus my thoughts back on the
Lord. I believe these are spiritual
attacks, too, and not just “my own thoughts.”
And then there were a bunch of
disturbing times when I woke up feeling like something was holding my mouth
shut or sucking the air out of me or sucking my face up into a “vacuum.” One time, I woke up feeling like something
was choking me. I actually was fully
conscious, laying there and thinking, Could I be choking myself? There’s one hand of mine, but where’s the
other? Is it my own hand choking me? But it wasn’t; both of my hands were under my
pillow. And as I continued to nod off
again, I would feel the grip getting tighter and tighter. And then as I woke up again, it would loosen. That only continued for a minute or so, until
I was awake enough to call out Jesus’ name.
But it really bothered me to see how “physical” it was getting.
While you may doubt it, I no longer
think that most of those “dreams” about a demonic presence were actually
dreams. I know what a dream and a
nightmare feel like. And this felt
nothing like that. I never really jolt
wide-awake with a nightmare. Nightmares
are usually scary things that I can’t seem to wake up from. Or they simply play out for a little while,
then go away, and then I don’t think of them again until I wake up. But I do jolt wide-awake during these
attacks, feeling electrocuted and usually just as I realize there is a demonic
presence and I need to call on Jesus.
After really thinking them over, I
have come to believe that they are more like visions – an awareness by my
spirit of what is going on in the spirit realm around me, even as my physical
body sleeps. You don’t have to agree
with me, but this makes the most sense for me as I consider how it happens and
what is going on in my mind right before these attacks happen.
At one point, near the end of the
five months, I began to wonder how and where the “electricity” starts. Does it start in one spot, like my knee, and
spread? Does it come on slow or
fast? Could it really just be a residual
effect of a bad dream?
Well, one morning removed all doubt
that it might just be a dream.
I was laying in bed in the morning,
wide awake. The sun was shining, it was
peaceful, and I was just lounging when, out of the blue, I felt like I got hit
by a bolt of lightning. It was fast and
hard and fierce, almost to the point of paralyzing me and making it hard to call
on Jesus’ name, as it often was upon first waking up that way. But the difference was that this was the
first time it happened while I was fully awake.
So now I was absolutely sure that it couldn’t be just a lingering effect
of a bad dream. These really were
spiritual attacks.
And the weirdest “attack” happened
when I was waking up one Sunday morning.
(Almost every Saturday night to Sunday morning brought an attack, which
was the first night that it happened, too.
Odd!) I was lying in bed with my
new baby next to me, and my husband was up getting ready for church in the
bathroom. As I laid there fully awake, I
felt something creeping up the foot of the bed toward me.
My oldest son (9 years old, at the
time) loves to sneak up on us whenever he can, and it felt exactly as if he was
trying to creep up our bed on his hands and knees. I could feel the mattress go down with each
hand or knee, and I could feel the edge of my blanket getting pulled under his
weight. And I popped my head up to catch
him in the act, but . . . there was nothing there. Hmmm, that’s odd! I’m absolutely sure that I felt
something.
I laid back down. And a few seconds later, it happened
again. This time, I sat up quickly, and
still I saw no one. How could he duck
and hide so fast? I looked on the
floor and around the bed to see if he was there and if he was just really good
at hiding. But, of course, he wasn’t
there. (And because we never could get
our box-spring up the tiny staircase, our mattress was on the floor. So there was nowhere to hide.)
I was baffled by this point. And just then, my husband came into the room
to get his clothes. And through gritted
teeth, I told him, “Something invisible is . . . creeping . . . up . . . the .
. . bed! I can feel it walking up the
bed toward me.”
Not surprisingly, he cocked his
eyebrows and looked at me with a skeptical, disturbed, you-must-be-crazy look
(meant in the most loving way possible, I’m sure). And he turned around and went back to the
bathroom without saying a word. (Can’t
you just feel the love and support?)
Now, why I didn’t get out of bed at
this point or call out Jesus’ name is a mystery to me. I guess I didn’t want to wake the baby yet,
and I was still trying to figure out what was going on. So I laid there a little longer. And it started again. But this time, I had heard the door creak
open first and then felt the mattress move.
This time, it’s my oldest son for sure, I thought. And he can’t hide now!
I waited until I felt the creeping
get up to my knees so that he couldn’t easily jump off the bed, and then I
flung my arms and legs around so that I could catch him in the act. And, yep, that’s right - nothing was
there. It happened one or two more times
before I fully believed that it wasn’t just a brilliant trick by one of my kids. I think I just didn’t want to believe that
things like this would happen in the daytime when I was fully awake. (Oh, and my husband did tell me that he
opened the door just a few moments before . . . when I heard the door
creak. So there was an actual reason for
the creaking door. Thank God!)
I didn’t feel it again after that,
but I certainly wasn’t about to leave my baby up in the bed alone. So I woke him up and took him with me to get
ready for church. And the rest of the
day, I found myself singing the Ghostbusters theme song. I tried to stop myself, I really did. But I couldn’t, you know - with an invisible
thing sneakin’ in my bed and all.
That was one of the most disturbing
moments because I began to feel like not only were my nights unsafe, but now my
days were, too. And it really scared
me. Were “they” able to do other
physical things, like push me down the stairs or smother me in my sleep? Would they hurt my children?
Sharing My Story
Even though this was a pretty
significant thing that I was going through, I hesitated to share this story
with anyone. I mean, how does something
like this come up in a conversation?
“Oh, hi! Yeah, I’m doing pretty good . . . other than
the demonic harassment that I’ve been going through! Have you ever been electrocuted by unseen
forces or had an invisible being creeping up your bed? No?
Well, I have!”
Seriously! That’s not a way to make or keep
friends. But as I became more and more
disturbed by it, I realized that I needed prayer support. And I didn’t want to wait until things got
worse.
So I gathered up my courage and
timidly asked my Bible study group for prayer about it. After all, I’m a licensed counselor . . . I
know how we diagnose people who see and hear things that “aren’t there.” But it’s what happened and I couldn’t deny it
or ignore it. And I really did want the
prayer. (I can’t say that they really
believed me, but they didn’t laugh and they did pray.)
And I did end up talking to my
pastor, Pastor Bob, about it. I had
wanted to talk to him, but at the same time I didn’t want to talk to anyone
about it. I mean, once this information
is out there, there’s no controlling who knows about it and what they think
about me. It was bad enough that my
husband didn’t believe me and thought I was losing it. On top of that, I didn’t need to feel that
everyone else was looking at me out of the corner of their eyes and keeping
their distance. But, in the end, I’m
glad it came up. Here’s how it
happened:
After the first few weeks of this
harassment, I began to think that my boys should get dedicated at church. I had thought about getting them dedicated
when they were babies, but I didn’t really see too much point to it. It was like making a show of saying that we
would raise them according to godly standards, which we were already committed
to doing anyway. So I didn’t push it . .
. until now.
As I laid in bed one night next to
my husband, I was thinking about how standing up in front of your church family
and having your children dedicated to God is really a kind of a
show. A good show! It’s making a statement to fellow humans and
to the invisible spirit realm around us that “I am choosing God’s team! I am on His side! And I am raising my children that way,
too!” And with all that I was going
through, making that statement in front of everyone - seen and unseen -
suddenly seemed really wise and important.
As we laid there and these thoughts
were going through my head, I decided to bring it up to my husband.
“I think the boys should be
dedicated.” My husband knew what I was
dealing with at night, but he didn’t really believe me. But just as I said the word “dedicated,” an
awful, metallic “scream” came from right outside our bedroom window.
“WHAT’S THAT!?!” he hissed, jumping
up to go outside and check.
Thank God! I
thought. I was afraid that I was the
only one who heard it!
“I’ll tell you what it is!” I said,
more than content to let him be the one to check, and oddly pleased that it
happened.
After finding nothing, he got back
into bed, and we laid there a little while contemplating what it was. When all of a sudden . . . we heard the
neighbor start his car, right outside of our window. Oh, Thank You, Lord! It was just the neighbor’s rusty car door
opening. We got a good, nervous laugh
out of that. And my husband agreed that
the boys should be dedicated.
So we went to meet with Pastor
Bob. I tried to play it cool, not
bringing up what was going on, until he asked, “So, why do you want to do this
now that your children are older?
Obviously, you’ve seen others dedicate their children as babies
before. How come you haven’t felt the
need to do it until now?”
Well, I inhaled deeply and Here
goes . . . I gave the honest answer.
I told him all that was going on and that I now saw the importance of
standing before others and claiming that you are on God’s side.
And I was so grateful that I did
bring it up because he went on to tell me about his experiences helping people
who have gone through this kind of thing.
He never raised his eyebrows at me, he never smirked, he never doubted
what I said for one second. He just gave
me some encouragement and advice about how to deal with this. (Because of his advice, I didn’t just call on
“Jesus” anymore, I called on the name “Jesus Christ.” As he says, Jesus is a common name and there
are even demons who will answer to that name.
Good advice, thank you!)
And I was sooooo thankful that my
husband was there to hear what Pastor Bob said.
Up until then, he totally doubted that all of this stuff was really
happening. (Now, he just kind of doubts it.) I think he believed that my imagination was
really getting the best of me and that I couldn’t decipher reality from
nightmares. Although I think that you
really have to go through it yourself to put to rest all doubts, it was still
good to have Pastor Bob back me up and to help my husband understand that this
stuff does happen to people. Even to
good, godly people. In fact, sometimes
it happens because they are seeking
God more, not because they have done anything wrong.
Eventually, these attacks became
fewer and fewer, and nothing more dramatic or worse happened than what I have
shared here. But I have had moments like
these again in the following years. It
seems that almost anytime I share my story of demonic harassment, I get an
attack that night. (Coincidence?) The last one was right after I sent this
story to a Christian radio program.
I wasn’t sure at first if I should
share it with the host because it always feels weird to me to share this. I have told very few people. (Most people look at you like you’re crazy
and don’t say anything. Big surprise,
huh? But their silence speaks volumes
about what they really think of you.)
But in the end, I did email it in
because I felt that the guest host had misinformed a caller who asked if the
“heavy weight sensation” could be a demonic attack. He told her not to look for a demon behind
every bush, that not every weird thing is a demonic attack. Which is true, of course. But I felt like he had not given her the help
and advice she needed in this situation.
She needed to be encouraged and to be instructed to call on Jesus’ name
for help. He left her vulnerable to
further attacks, without having any tool to fight it.
If you don’t recognize a demon
attack as a demonic attack, you can’t fight against it.
So I sent my story, asking them to pass
it on to her. And that very night, I
woke up with another paralyzing, electrifying,
air-sucked-out-of-my-lungs-as-my-mouth-was-sealed-shut feeling. It was the first time it happened in
months. And my first response, after
calling out “In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave,” was to
think, Good. Now I know that I did the right thing! It made them mad and stirred them up. And I rolled over and fell back asleep.
A Blessing in Disguise
If there is anything that I have
learned from all of this it’s that I am so thankful that God allowed
this time of demonic disturbance.
Because this, out of all the trials I had been through and lessons I had
learned over the years, is probably what most strengthened my faith in Him, my
dependence on Him, and my resolve to stay close to Him. And that’s why I feel it’s important to share
it with others.
And oddly enough, having to go
through it “alone” actually turned out to be for the best. For the first few months, I was quite upset
and frightened by these experiences. I
feared going to bed and I feared what demons might be capable of during the
day.
And so, I began to read everything I
could find on demonic harassment and spiritual warfare. And let me say, there is so much stuff out
there that is just too “over the top” for me.
But occasionally, I would find a well-grounded one that gave me some
encouragement and understanding. And
there was one such book that I really wanted my husband to read.
I knew that he didn’t really believe
me and that he scoffed at these experiences on the inside. I mean, I could understand - because it isn’t
until it happens to you that you can really believe it. But I still really wanted his support. I felt vulnerable and alone and
frightened. And I wanted to know that I
could turn to him, that he would be there to protect me and help me through
it. I wanted him to be my safe place.
And so, I asked him to read this
particular book about one family’s experiences with this kind of thing. But he wasn’t interested in it. I asked several times, and I even left the
book out on the table when he would come home so that he could see it, right
next to his books on yard care. And when
he came home, he’d reach down and move the book that I wanted him to read, and
he’d pick up the book on yard care. I
was crushed. I really was.
And I felt more alone. I had really, really wanted - needed - his support. And I needed him to believe me. I thought maybe having him read about other
sane people’s experience would help with both.
But he never made a move to read it.
And so I realized that it was up to me now. I couldn’t rely on him, so it was all up to
me. And I took the book back to the
church library.
And on top of that, a person from
church offered to come and pray over my house with one of the pastors. “Yes, please,” I said. “Come over some time. I would really like that.” And he said he’d talk to the pastor and get
ahold of me.
He never did.
They never did come and pray with
me.
And once again, I realized that I
was really alone in this. I had a
husband who didn’t believe me and I had no one else to really help me (except
for the brief conversation with the head pastor. Thank you, Pastor Bob!).
And while I felt sorry for myself
for a little while, I came to eventually realize that it was the best thing
that could have happened. Because having
to face this trial on my own forced me to strengthen myself in the one person
whose help I needed most: Jesus. It
forced me to dig deep into myself and to find a strength and courage that I
didn’t know I had. And I found this when
I turned fully to Jesus, in prayer and in His Word. He would be there to protect me and to help me
through it. He was my safe place.
If I had learned to rely on my
husband and if I made him or others fight my battle for me, I would have never
found the strength and boldness that come with fully relying on God. I would have learned to shrink back during
the battle in fear and to hide behind other people, instead of learning to
bolster myself in Christ and walk bravely forward.
I remember the exact moments when I
found this strength and boldness. One
was when I had to return that book to the library. On the drive to church, I made a comment to
my husband about returning the book. I
was hoping he would say to keep it a little longer so that he could read
it. But he didn’t. And knowing that I was really on my own made
me go, Okay, Lord, it’s You and me now!
And I realized that if all I had was Jesus, well, then I had all that I
needed.
And the other moment was when I was
lying in bed one morning imagining what the spirit world was like. I was daydreaming about what it would be like
to actually see a demon with my physical eyes.
I didn’t want to see one, I was just thinking about what it would
be like. Like what would happen if I
looked over by my bedroom door and saw one standing right there?
In my imaginary scenario, I imagined
myself saying something like this to the demon, “Okay, you just stay over there
and I’ll stay over here, and it’ll be fine that way.” And it was then that it dawned on me that the
spiritual world is really all around us, all the time. Yes, I knew that, I just never really lived
like it. These demons and angels have always been there. And just because I was physically
experiencing their presence didn’t mean that anything was really all that
different. And if I didn’t have to be
scared before this then I really didn’t have to be scared now, just because I
was “sensing” them in a new way.
At that moment, I honestly felt all
the fear and anxiety drain out of me. I
wasn’t experiencing anything “new.” It’s
a battle that we have always been in the midst of. And it’s a battle we’ve always been a part
of. I just didn’t take it seriously
until now. And this is when I realized
the seriousness of the spiritual battle that we are supposed to be
fighting. And I was convicted about how
lax I had been in that area.
And suddenly, it wasn’t about
running away or cowering in fear anymore.
It was about training for battle.
It was about putting on my spiritual armor and living more righteously
so that I could be effective in that battle.
It was about seeking to live a more holy and God-glorifying life so that
I didn’t give any “open doors” or “welcome mats” to fallen angels, such as
watching shows about the “Devil’s Bible”.
It was about the power of the Holy Spirit living in me and about making
sure that I lived in such a way to be in line with the Spirit. It was about immersing myself in the Word and
in prayer so that I was as close to God as I could be. And it was about Jesus and the protection
that He gives and the power of His name.
(In fact, I half wanted to yell out to the demons in the darkness, “See
what you’ve done! You’ve actually driven
me closer to God and made me try to live MORE righteously! ARE YOU
HAPPY WITH YOURSELVES!?!”)
During this time, I had to train
myself to always have the name of Jesus on my tongue the moment that I woke
up. I would go to bed in prayer, asking
for protection and for strength, and rehearsing this one line over and
over: “In the Name of Jesus Christ, I
command you to leave! In the Name of
Jesus Christ, I command you to leave!”
I came to learn that Jesus’ name was
my strongest weapon against those kinds of attacks.
And I practiced keeping it in that
order, too, instead of “I command you to leave, in Jesus’ name.” Because I was afraid that I might be too
sleepy to say it all right away, and I might accidentally end up just saying,
“I command you to leave . . . zzzzzzzzzz.”
So I made sure to at least get Jesus’ name out first. Because I have no power in myself to command
any demon to leave. It’s all because of
Jesus’ name and power and authority.
(Which is why I don’t know if unbelievers have any ability to use Jesus’
name against evil. Because they don’t
have the right to Jesus’ name if they are not under His authority.)
I have read other people’s ideas of
how to “battle” demonic harassment. And
some are amusing and some are disturbing, and many are way too dramatic and
complicated. I have read that we should
get forceful and yell at them, that there are all kinds of rituals that we need
to go through to get rid of them, and that we have the power to “order” heavenly
angels around and give them commands.
In my experience, I don’t think this
is the way it is. The only power and
authority and protection that we have is because of Jesus and the Holy Spirit
in us. We were made a little lower than
the angels, so I highly doubt that they are going to be threatened by any big
show of our anger or aggression. What
can we possible do to them? And rituals
are just “extras,” they are ways to make us feel like we have some control or
authority by what we do. And thinking
that we can control or command angels . . . well, that’s witchcraft.
[I just want to insert something
here, with all the books on and interest in witchcraft, ESP, mind power,
etc. For anyone who may think that it is
harmless or desirable to try to tap into the power of the spirit world . . . DON’T!
DO NOT tinker around with the spirit world. Yes, I do believe that we need to be aware of
it and to battle in it through prayer, righteous living, Jesus’ name, etc. But it is not biblical to try to use,
control, or mess around with spirits or to contact demons or “ghosts” or dead
people. God calls this kind of stuff
witchcraft and sorcery. And in the Bible
you can see just how severely He deals with those who practice it.
And we need to be cautious about
going around and casting demons out of everything and everyone, as I read about
someone doing in one book. That is not
our role and it goes beyond our area of authority. I believe that we can cast out demons that we
encounter personally or that come to us, not that we can go out looking for
demons to cast. And I don’t think we
have the authority to send them anywhere in particular, just to “cast them
out,” away from us. Even Jesus did not
send the demons to the Abyss in Luke
8:30-32.
Nor should we cast them out of
unbelievers who show no sign of wanting to put their faith in Jesus. That would be irresponsible. “When an evil
spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does
not find it. Then it says, ‘I will
return to the house I left.’ When it
arrives, it finds the house unoccupied [no Holy Spirit], swept clean and put in
order. Then it goes and takes with it
seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse
than the first.” Matthew 12:43-45. Just throwing this out there for whatever
reason.]
The Bible, I believe, tells us all
that we really need to know about how to battle demonic harassment. Calling on Jesus’ name causes most to leave
immediately. Luke 10:17 says “The seventy-two
returned with joy and said, ‘Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.’“ And for the more stubborn demons: prayer,
along with Jesus’ name! Jesus refers to
a kind of demon that can only be driven out by prayer in Mark 9:29. That’s all I’ve
seen in the Bible: Jesus’ name and
prayer!
And of course, there is also worship/praise and a whole
set of spiritual armor to put on in general, according to Ephesians 6:10-18: the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, a
readiness to share the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, helmet of
salvation, and the sword of the Spirit - which is the [spoken] Word of God - and prayer. But all of this needs to be in place all of
the time anyway.
And, as Jesus tells us in the Lord’s
prayer in Matthew 6:13, we need to
be praying that God “delivers us from the evil one.” We need to pray that He protects us from
Satan and his schemes . . . because prayers like this matter! It’s not just wishful thinking.
I never needed to make a big,
dramatic show. All I ever had to do was
calmly say, sometimes even just whispering (when my husband was sleeping next
to me and I didn’t want him to know that it happened again), “In the
Name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave.”
And they usually did immediately.
Sometimes, though, the electricity
wouldn’t leave right away, and so I would pray in my mind, calling out for
Jesus’ help in getting rid of it. And
then after repeating that command several times, it would subside. But the point is, it always went away, never
lasting longer than a minute or so, when I called on Jesus’ name.
Now, I could be wrong. There could be cases of demonic activity that
require much more than that. But I pray
that I never find out! I mean, I am not
a demon expert or anything. (And I don’t
want to be.) But for now, prayer and
Jesus’ name are all that I believe I need!
Just want you to know, though, that I don’t understand it all. I’m just telling you what my experience has
been.
I had learned to lean on and rely on
Jesus in a way I never did before. And
once I found this strength in Jesus, these experiences seemed less like
harassment and disturbances, and more like . . . well, disruptions. Disruptions to a good night’s sleep.
The Spiritual Battle
“You, dear
children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is
greater than the one who is in the world.”
(1 John 4:4)
For a while, I had to repeat this to
myself every time I went to bed. I would
being lying in bed, nervously scanning the room and the corners for any weird
lights or shadows, listening for any odd creaking, and just repeating the
phrase, “greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.”
It really does help to fill your
mind with Scripture. Because that is the
weapon that we have been given to battle the enemy. The sword of the Spirit. Jesus Himself gave us the example of using
Scripture to battle Satan while He was being tempted in the desert. Do we think we can do any better without a
solid grounding in Scripture?
One thing’s for sure, this whole
time period has taught me to take to take the spirit world seriously and to
remember that there is an eternity out there waiting for us. And what we do on this earth is not nearly as
important as what we do in the spirit realm, for God’s kingdom. It taught me that there is a spiritual battle
going on around us all the time. And I
need to get involved with it, through prayer and seeking righteousness and
drawing ever nearer to God through His Word and spending time with Him. I need Him desperately because there is a
battle going on around me – a battle for the souls of people – and I cannot be
effective in it or protect myself from it apart from a complete, humble
dependence on Him.
I believe that we can give demons
access to us by how we live and act. We
invite them to come closer and influence us more when we give in to
temptations, when we say things we shouldn’t, and when we fill our lives,
homes, ears, eyes, and minds with things that are not God-glorifying. And we have more power to keep them back when
we live more righteously, and are more aligned with the Holy Spirit, and are
relying on the power of Jesus’ name.
Of course, I am not talking about
demonic possession here, just about
demonic harassment. And I am talking about a solid believer in
Christ who isn’t knowingly engaging in sin, not about someone who has “shaken
hands with the devil” and drifted far from God’s ways.
The thing is, some people might be
being harassed by evil because they have allowed evil to come too close. When we put out “welcome mats” for them, we
give demons the right to visit us. Any
time we turn away from God and toward Satan in any way, we remove ourselves
from God’s full protection. And demons
will push open any door we willingly crack open for them. And then a simple “I command you to leave in
Jesus’ name” might not work.
If you are being harassed and “I
command you to leave in Jesus’ name” isn’t working, pray and ask God if you
have given demons any “legal right” to be in your life, any “welcome mat” that
invited them in - such as bringing “false god” things into your home, willingly
engaging in sin, being unforgiving toward anyone, becoming overly prideful (the
sin that caused Satan’s fall), having outbursts of anger, tinkering with
temptation, drifting from God, listening to Satan’s lies instead of God’s
truth, trying to live self-sufficiently instead of being dependent on God,
engaging in “witch-crafty” kinds of things like palm-reading, fortune-telling,
Ouija Boards, etc.
You need to get rid of the “welcome
mats” first: confess known sin and ask for forgiveness, break any ties you’ve
made with evil, renounce any lies you’ve allowed yourself to believe, clean out
any “false god” things from your home, renounce and ask forgiveness for any
times you have engaged in “witch-crafty” kinds of things, root out
unforgiveness from your heart and fully forgive those who have hurt you, fall
at the feet of Christ in humility, etc.
If demons no longer have a right to be there, they have to leave when
you command them to leave in Jesus’ name.
I also think that the command to
praise God and be thankful, even when we are in pain, is partly meant for our
protection from evil. Demons are
attracted to, thrive on, and fuel anger, jealousy, fear, etc. But I think that it will drive them back when
they see us praising God and being thankful, no matter our circumstances. During those five months, I kept the
Christian radio on all the time, even quietly at night. I don’t think of it like “magic,” but I do
think demons are repelled by praise.
Think of demons like the wizard of
Oz, a giant scary projection in the air.
As long as we keep focused on the giant scary projection, we’ll remain
terrified. And fear feeds on
itself. But if we can take our focus off
of the demons and put it on God and praise Him for everything we can praise Him
for, the demons lose some of their power and are bothered by the praise we give
God. And if we can look past the giant
scary projection and see that it is all just a “light and smoke show,” it takes
the terror away.
They have power over you if you
remain terrified of them, if you live in sin and cut yourself off from God’s
protection, if you believe that they have more power over you than they do, if
you fail to recognize when something is a spiritual attack, if you forget that
you have the Holy Spirit and Jesus’ name on your side, and if you forget that
prayer is your life-line.
Of course, this isn’t to minimize
the real damage that they can do in the world when they entice people to rebel
against God, lie, cheat, steal, murder, rape, etc. Demons do everything they can to hurt, kill,
terrorize, and destroy. But this is all
the more reason to take the spirit world seriously and to learn to recognize
spiritual attacks and to get into the spiritual battle.
Whether we like it or not, we are in
a battle. But are we actively fighting
in it, for God’s Kingdom and glory? Or have we dropped our armor, plopped down on the ground under a nice shade
tree, and made ourselves more vulnerable to attack and being led astray? Even if you are not experiencing anything like
I did, we need to be in the battle by praying for our families, society, the
leaders, the world, etc., and by seeking righteousness and remaining intimately
connected to the Lord.
While demons wield a lot of power
and influence over the world, when it comes to Christians they can only do so
much to us because we have the Holy Spirit and spiritual armor. And so, they usually try the “light and smoke
show” to make us more afraid than we need to be, to make us cower in our beds
instead of taking up our armor and fighting back. While I wish that these attacks would never
happened again, I have come to see them as a normal part of doing spiritual
battle.
Something that really helped me
during those five months when I really wanted a break from the constant assault
from the enemy was this verse:
Ephesians
6:13: “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so
that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and
after you have done everything, to stand.”
As
I read it one day, I was struck by one word: stand. After we have done everything, we need to
stand. Oh, how I wanted to read “and
after you have done everything, to sit back and relax.” But that’s not what we are told. We are supposed to stand, even after fighting
today’s battles. We are supposed to
stand and be ready for the next one, never dropping our armor and letting our
guard down.
Once I realized that this is just
the way it is – that constant assault is just part of the battle - I didn’t
fight it so hard anymore. I didn’t try
to run. I didn’t get overly upset about
what was happening to me. We are not
supposed to be able to sit back and relax, not on this earth and not while we
are in the midst of a spiritual battle.
So I just took up my armor and dealt with it as it came, knowing that I
wasn’t fighting on my own. I had the
Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit on my side.
It was helpful and encouraging to
realize that nothing odd was happening to me.
It’s just a part of a Christian’s life.
(And yet, other Christians think it is odd, which is strange because we
are supposed to know that demons and angels are real. They are not mythical. And yet, many Christians live like they
are.) And I had to accept that these
attacks were something that I would just have to deal with, along with all the
other battles and trials that I was facing.
(In fact, if I do not have any
attacks like these for a long time, I begin to wonder if I have gotten
comfortable and lazy, if I have become distracted with life and am forgetting
God’s Kingdom. I think we all need to be
living in such a way that we have great big targets – big bull’s eyes – on our
backs. When the demons see us get up in
the morning, they should be saying, “Oh no!
Not them again! Get them … before they do more damage!”)
Anyway, the reason I am sharing this
very condensed story is because I want to challenge others to seriously think
about the fact that we are in the midst of a spiritual battle all the
time. And yet how often are we aware of
it? Do we engage in that battle or do we
focus on making a nice, comfy life on earth?
Do we take the commands to maintain our spiritual armor seriously? Do we believe that our prayers really do have
an effect on the spirit realm and that the way we live has an effect on our
prayers and on God’s Kingdom? Do we
really believe that Jesus’ name has power?
It’s something we all need to think
about seriously (without being overly interested in spirits). And we all should be prepared for if and when
the attacks come our way.
But if I may point out, most attacks
are not as vivid and obvious as what I went through. Most are subtle and more “human” kinds of
attacks, such as shame and anxiety, or temptations to dabble with sin, to be envious,
to gossip, to become jealous, to run after idols, to become bitter, to be
prideful, etc. And then there are the
attacks like sleepless nights that wear us down, unfair treatment from someone
else, addictions, accidents, thinking negative things about ourselves, hearing
voices, unexplained health problems, evil thoughts that pop into your mind,
etc. Satan has many tools to distract
us, wear us down, or cause us to fear and doubt and sin.
While these are less obvious as
“demonic” attacks, they can be spiritual battles just as much as sensing demons
at night in your room. And they are
probably much more effective at getting us away from God and righteousness,
because they are so subtle. They are
much more damaging to our lives and our faith than the kind of attacks I went
through.
The attacks I experienced drove me
closer to God, because I knew that I needed Him to make it through those. They were clearly spiritual. But the more subtle, “earthly” attacks can
sneak up on us before we know it. And
some of them can look so enticing (like a temptation to have an affair or get
rich quick in an ungodly way or when we get filled with pride and develop an
over-inflated sense of self-importance) that we don’t even recognize them as
attacks, as part of a spiritual battle.
So we need to be even more on guard against those.
And of course, not everything that
goes wrong is a demonic attack.
Sometimes it is just a part of living in a fallen world or a natural
consequence of something. But we need to
be alert for if it is spiritual and to battle it as such. We can’t fight spiritual battles with earthly
weapons.
An Opportune Time
“When the devil had finished all this
tempting, he left him [Jesus] until an opportune time.” (Luke
4:13)
Jesus had just gone through that
time of testing in the desert. He
successfully beat Satan with Scripture and by resisting temptation. He was hungry and probably physically
weakened. And I am sure that He would
have loved a long rest from Satan’s attacks.
Didn’t He earn it, after all? A
nice, long rest?
But Satan doesn’t play fair. He doesn’t run off with his tail between his
legs and say, “Okay, I give up. You
win. I’ll leave You alone now. You are too strong for me.” He simply slinks off to the side, into the
shadows, and begins watching for an opportune time.
Until
an opportune time. Satan is always
watching. It’s the only way to know when
an opportunity arises. Always looking
for an opening. An invitation. If he did it with Jesus, you can bet he is
doing it with us. Never drop your
spiritual armor.
(Actually, there is only one Satan
and he can only be in one place at a time.
But there are multitudes of demons, watching and waiting, looking for
open doors. So to be more accurate, I
wouldn’t say that Satan himself is watching me but one of his many demons. I’m sure Satan has much bigger fish to fry, a
much bigger target in mind than little, old me.
So when I say “Satan,” I am talking about his many henchmen.)
But how many of us live like Satan
and his demons are out of the picture, like they aren’t just off to the side,
hiding in the shadows, waiting for the right time?
But when life is going well and we
are happy and praising God, he is waiting for a moment that he can steal our
happiness and cause us to despair and doubt God. Or he lets us be happy and lets us gain even
more, but he causes us to worship what makes us happy and turn it into an idol,
taking our focus off of Christ and eternal things and people’s souls.
When we have just experienced our
greatest spiritual high, he lets us be giddy with excitement and lets us think,
I feel so close to God right now that
there is no way I could sin like that.
And then he whistles on his little Pied Piper pipe while we dance right
along behind him on a spiritual high, not even aware that he is leading us
right over the edge of a cliff.
Our biggest falls might just come
after our highest spiritual highs … because we felt like we were beyond
temptation. We never saw it coming
because we didn’t think we were capable of falling after such a spiritual
high.
When we have neglected God for too
long – failing to pray, to confess sin, to examine our hearts and minds, to
meet with God in His Word, to connect with other strong believers – Satan knows
that we are vulnerable to temptation, to being misled, to following after other
“gods” and “truths,” to having our ears tickled by what we want to hear, to
following after our own desires, and to falling in line with the way the rest
of the world thinks and lives. And he
simply nudges us along a little here and there, not even having to push hard
because we are nibbling our way lost all on our own, making his job a lot
easier.
When we are exhausted after a long
spiritual task or spiritual battle, desperate for a rest, weak and vulnerable,
and feel like we deserve a time of just being happy, Satan doesn’t have to do
much to push us over the edge - just blow a little bit of temptation on us and
we fall over like a crumbling statue, too tired to care anymore or to fight
back.
When we choose to sin or glorify
evil in any way (with the movies we watch, music we listen to, outbursts of
anger, gossip we spread, bitterness that we let take root, prideful thoughts
that we tinker with, ways we compromise our standards and morals, lustful
thoughts that we entertain, etc.), we give Satan a very clear invitation into
our hearts and lives. He doesn’t even
have to force his way in. He just has to
waltz right through the open door, having been given a right to be there.
When God has put us in the desert
for a long time and has been so silent for so long that we are desperate to
hear from Him, Satan dangles his counterfeit rewards, experiences, and promises
in front of us, knowing that we might be an easy target. We are so anxious for an answer or for
something to happen that we might convince ourselves that Satan’s counterfeit
offers are really from God. He knows
that our desire for “more” might get the better of us, and that our focus on
our emotions and on “emotional highs” is the open door into our hearts.
When life is hard, when the trials
are many, or when a tragedy strikes, he stands on the side of us, whispering
into our spiritual ears.
“If God really loved you, He
wouldn’t have let this happen.”
“Does He really care about you? Is He really listening?”
“Did God really say that you
shouldn’t do such-and-such?”
“He is taking too long. You are going to have to do something about
this if you want things to work out the way you want.”
“Uh oh, you see that burden lying
there on the floor? You dropped it. Better pick it back up again. You’ve got to keep everything under
control. All the balls up in the air. Because God can’t be trusted.”
And he waits to see which hook we
bite on to. He’s looking for an
opportunity to get a foothold into our lives and our hearts. And he will come at us at the worst possible
times for us because they are the best possible times for him. And he will come at us at the best possible
times in our lives because we feel so close to God and so spiritual that we
simply don’t think it’s possible for us to fall. (Plus, he hates it when we thank and praise
God, so he’ll come and try to discourage us so that we stop doing it. Which is why I am learning to praise God
during the hard trials and the pain. At
least I can win that battle, even if
I can’t change my circumstances.)
The point is, he is always looking
for an opportune time. He examines us
more closely than we do. He knows our
weak points better than we do. And there
are many more of them (demons) than of our own self. And the only way we can have a chance to live
victoriously and to fend off the attacks is to remain in the Lord daily and to
keep our spiritual armor on. Because it
is the One who is in us that is greater than the one who is in the world. And if we are not living in Him – aligned
with Him, abiding in Him, obedient to Him, living righteously and confessing
sins, praying and growing closer to Him through the Word – then we are
vulnerable to the attacks and deceptions of the evil one.
It is an uphill, constant, daily
battle, and yet how little we live like it is.
As Ephesians 6:13 says: “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the
day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have
done everything, to stand.” We
are not told to sit down and rest after a spiritual battle. To take a break, put our armor down, give our
muscles a chance to rest. We are told to stand. To always stand and be ready for the next
attack.
I know that I would not be living
with such a daily awareness of this if I had not gone through those five months
of clearly demonic harassment. Five
scary months that I am so incredibly thankful I went through. Because I live with this daily awareness of
the reality of Satan and his evil ones, of how we give him invitations and open
doors, and of my desperate need to abide daily in the Lord, to seek
righteousness.
Those five months were some of the
most faith-changing months of my life. I
could only hope that every believer would have such a humbling, eye-opening
experience like that. (And yet I
wouldn’t wish it on anyone.) But it
amazes me at how few people took me seriously when I told them about it, how
many scoffed instead of really listened, how many live like Satan is just a
myth and isn’t real and active in the world today.
How aware are you that you are
always being watched? That Satan is real
and active and always looking for any invitation you give him? Waiting for an opportunity to attack your
faith, your trust in God, your integrity?
Whispering lies about you and about God in your spiritual ears? Dangling a million hooks in front of you,
hoping you will bite onto just one and give him an opening into your life? Do you live with this awareness? With a deep, desperate, daily need for the
Lord? What “opportune time” will Satan
find in your life?
Make no mistake and do not take this
lightly. He is watching. Always watching. And so we need to be abiding in the
Lord. Always abiding. Always standing. Always maintaining our armor.
In Case of Attack
If you are facing clearly spiritual
attacks, try to think about what may be causing it. It could be because you are seeking God more
than ever or doing some great work for Him, because these things really provoke
and anger the demons. And if this is the
case, then keep it up, and remember to keep your spiritual armor on, to use the
Word as your sword, to remain in the Lord, and to pray and use Jesus’
name.
But if you are not growing in the
Lord, it could be because . . .
- you are in sin (or have
un-confessed sin) and have grieved the Holy Spirit, shutting yourself off from
His protection. You put out a “welcome
mat” to demons through things like not forgiving someone else, entertaining
lustful thoughts or behaviors, bitterness, outbursts of rage, jealousy, an
uncontrolled tongue, giving yourself over to anxiety, etc. This gives them a “legal right” to harass
you.
- you dabbled with or engaged in
something ungodly, New Age, witchcraft-y, or from a false religion, such as
horoscopes, voodoo, psychics, Ouija Board, yoga, certain martial arts programs,
Freemasonry, Eastern healing treatments (check into the nature of things like
acupuncture, spirit cleansings, meditation, etc.), ungodly movies, ungodly
music, etc. (I am not saying that all of
these things will lead directly to demonic attacks, but they can be “welcome mats”
for it.)
- you brought something into your
house that is occultic, New Age, ungodly, witchcraft-y, or from a false
religion, such as statutes of false gods, trinkets or jewelry with occultic
symbols, certain antiques that are handed down which may have occultic roots or
purposes, books or movies that celebrate witchcraft, humanism, false gods, etc.
- other people attracted demons and
you were just a bystander who was in the vicinity, such as being with people
who visited a psychic even if you didn’t get a reading or letting a family member
worship false gods in your home.
- someone else did something to you,
such as abuse, coercing you into engaging in something ungodly, or even parents
who divorced, etc. These kinds of things
can become gateways for demons to enter your life. They can lead to intense negative thoughts
and emotions which demons thrive on.
Even things like car accidents can open the door to intense fear and
anxiety, which can attract demons.
- ancestors welcomed and encouraged
demons by things they engaged in, such as witchcraft, Freemasonry, etc.
- you have believed in lies from the
enemy or embraced falsehoods, about yourself, God, life, others, etc.
Take the time to figure out (and
pray about) why the attacks are coming or when they started. Seek help from a pastor or godly friend. And remember that demons have a “legal right”
to harass you if you have opened the door to them through sin. Pray over if you have opened the door to
them.
Confess sins that need to be
confessed. Renounce any sins from your
family’s past and break any legal rights demons have to your family, such as
through a history of witchcraft. Use
prayer and Jesus’ name, and claim His blood and protection.
Purge your home and life of things
that celebrate false religions, evil, or the occult. Ask the Holy Spirit to purify your mind. Consider the music you listen to and movies
you watch. Do they celebrate evil and
things that Satan enjoys? Surround
yourself with music that praises God.
Thank God for Jesus’ sacrificial
death and pray that His blood covers and cleanses your home, your life, and
your family’s past if they were involved in ungodly things.
[You can find more info about “spiritual
warfare” on-line. Just make sure it is
not a site that sensationalizes demonic attacks or that gives a whole bunch of
weird rituals to get rid of them. Those
kinds of things make it more about what we
do and using our power than they do
about Jesus’ name and the power of the Holy Spirit. And just so you know, I don’t know much about
things like “breaking family curses or renouncing family sins or claiming His
blood,” etc. I don’t know how
appropriate or effective all that is.
Some of it sounds a bit fanciful.
So you’ll have to look it up for yourself to see what you think about
it.]
And no matter what, praise God a
lot. Praise repels demons. And pray daily that God sends His heavenly
angels to protect you from evil. And
learn to call on Jesus’ name when the attacks come. They have to leave when you call on Jesus’
name, maybe not immediately but they do leave quickly if you keep calling on
His name and praying (as long as you have confessed and sought forgiveness for
any sins that gave them an open door into your life).
And remember that Scripture is the
“sword of the Spirit.” Jesus quoted
Scripture to resist the temptations of Satan and to defeat him. And we would be wise to do the same. Memorize verses that fit with the ways Satan
harasses and tempts you, and say them out loud whenever you need to.
When your eyes are opened to the
spiritual battle going on around us all the time, your life and faith will
never be the same again. And I can
honestly say that those five months were some of the best things that ever
happened to me and my faith. I really do
thank God for them.
